What I know for sure, there is nothing new under the sun. The mountains prevailed over by one person are the same mountains that are being climbed by another.
That said, I decided to jump on a series called “Stories of hope”, where I will be hosting people from all over the globe to share with us vulnerable experiences of fears, weaknesses or traumas conquered in line with God’s word.
That will throw ropes of hope to us, yearning to be anchored in God’s word.
Our first guest is a one Bolaji Gelax, an actress, costume designer, TV host and writer from Nigeria. You need to check out her blog at www.gelaxchatroom.com and her socials @Bolajigelax on both Twitter and Instagram.
We’re in the world but not of the world.
First off, I love God. I grew up in Sunday school, and even though my upbringing wasn’t that of a strict Christian background, I was always involved in church activities and all.
Fast forward to early 2000, my then favourite uncle led me to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, and this time, it wasn’t me just reciting the prayer after a Sunday class or singing it in songs after reading John 3:16. No, I understood God’s love for me. I gave or rededicated (depending on how you choose to see it) my life to Christ, and for the first time in my young life, I felt like I was indeed a Christian.
My uncle had told me the journey wouldn’t be smooth but that I had to trust that God loves me enough, and He’s always ready and willing to accept me back whenever I turned to him. With this knowledge, I began to read my bible, pray and seek to know God.
Months after my uncle led me to Christ, he had a moment of weakness when he asked me to climb and lay on the bed, and for a split second, contemplated having his way with me. It was a very brief moment. Nothing happened, but it broke him.
Now, I share this particular story because of what I learned from that incident.
Yes, I was pretty young, but for some reason, I understood the conflict of emotions in his eyes in those few seconds he was hovering over me. He looked like he was fighting an internal battle with forces but eventually succumbed to the higher pressure. But that wasn’t the most significant thing that struck me.
After the incident, he sat me down and, with a broken spirit, explained what just almost happened, then he apologized to me. Honestly, I didn’t fully grab the explanation, but I could tell he almost did something terrible. Now, he wasn’t apologizing or begging me not to report the incident to my dad, which, if you know the kind of father I have and how sharp my mouth was as a kid, should have been his primary concern.
Instead, uncle beloved was so worried about how what he almost did might affect my relationship with God. The God he led me to accept into my heart. I saw a grown man almost in tears (perhaps my first time), begging me not to turn my back against God because of him.
Sincerely, I found it confusing because, as I said, nothing happened except for the soul-rending gaze while asking me to climb and lay on the bed. And that was what got me thinking; a man could genuinely love God and still fall.
Do I fall too? I love the things of the world. Yes, I do. I mean, they are flashy, colourful and attractive.
For example, I desire to have a couple of my nude pictures drawn and painted on my house’s walls. I want to go clubbing and dance till my legs can’t keep me up. I want to skinny dip, take sexy pictures and post them online so people can drool over and gosh about my body. I, sometimes, wish to express my emotions with profanity, but for the many years of teaching in children church. I also choose to sleep in bed or binge on movies on some Sundays rather than dress up and go to church. I forget to say my prayers when I wake up but never forget to turn on the radio and scroll through social media. I also love to write and read erotics, and I find myself wondering, “To what end though, Bee?”
The list is endless.
But God and I have this dynamic relationship. It’s like He lets me be for a while, then He shows in his characteristically mysterious self, taps my shoulder and nudges me towards the right path.
Of late, I’ve been struggling with my faith and feeling a little unworthy. But this awesome God, instead of letting me be, has been heaping responsibilities and surprises on me that force me to re-accept that He has the ultimate plan and that He’s got me, no matter how far I stray.
That continually reminds me that my walk of salvation is around the clock. There’s no “I’ve gotten there” point. I fall, He catches me. I stray, He calls me back. I doubt, He reassures.
And as Philippians 2: 12-13 (NKJV) says,
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure”.